What the Hell?

I'd like to share a bit of wisdom I learned tonight from two extremely important women in my life: The guys (not men, but guys) don't have the balls to ask out the women who are strong. Strong because trials in their lives have knocked them to their knees and threaten to topple their worlds as they know it. Strength from what their mothers taught them have enabled those women to stand tall and continue on despite the painful anguish of rejection and frustration that digs at their souls. Nobody is going to keep this woman down.
I've been told that I'm eccentric. Maybe that's true. Maybe that's the reason that the guys I've met from Florida to California to Oklahoma don't have the balls to ask me out. Hell yes, I'm eccentric. I know exactly what I don't like; I know what I do like; I know exactly what kind of a man I'm looking for to spend the rest of my life with. If you can't handle all of me, then move out of my way. I've wasted TOO many tears on you.
Who I am in a nutshell: I'm a strong 26 year old LDS woman who has spent the last year going through hell and back. My mother passed away in January 2013 from stage 4 cancer. I am one of 10 kids, 7 blood siblings and 2 adopted. I consider myself, despite my young age to be one of the more mature individuals in my generation. I know how to make a home. I don't speak to 6 of my siblings because of personal issues. However I am working on extending olive branches to some of them. Others are permenantly cut out of my life on purpose because I refuse to allow their negativity and bitterness tear me down. I had enough of that in my life via my sperm donor Bill.

I have to ask, do you EVEN realize how your excessive behavior reflects upon how you treat me? or anyone else in that case. Tonight I watched flirtation going on. As I realize and know quite well.... that's what YSA's do. However what annoys me is, that in my travels, I have discovered that the male species of humanity constantly reject me. I put myself out there. Strong, confident, safe in the knowledge that I know what I want in my future. All that confidence is rejected. Tossed aside. Toyed with and then cast away. I don't let you know how much your rejection affects me. I continue to smile even though all I want to do is punch you so hard that you bleed.

I hate how you constantly go for the girls much younger than you. This makes me wonder if your attention span is only so limited that you can only process the girly girls. Not the ones who are bold yet quiet. Those who struggle to keep a smile up when all they want is someone to love them for who they are. For who I really am.

The heartache of being the third wheel was ever so strong tonight. It sucks that no matter how hard I try, I, Patricia Ann-Marie Caudle, am never wanted. The RS sisters always tell me every sunday how much I matter to them. But honestly, what good is it if only the sisters care? To all the guys present... I'm not there. I'm not attractive enough for them. Not pretty or smart enough. Not worthy in their eyes.

What the hell?